Eurovision Song Contest

Of the many secrets that the Europeans are keeping from us Americans, the Eurovision Song Contest is one of the most fascinating. You might think that Euros are so cultured, classy and calm, but every May they turn into a gaggle of silly school girls over this song contest between countries.

Every country has weeks of contests to decide who is going to be the one musical act to represent their country at the Contest. The whole country will tune in and it's almost as intense as the Presidential election in the US. Once their act is settled on, invariably everyone thinks that their country's act is sure to bring home the prize.

Each act then goes thru a series of semi-finals to whittle down the contestants. It all leads up to a Saturday in May when the final 20 or so get the chance to sing their song in front of all of Europe. The winner is determined both by a panel in each country as well as votes from viewers ala American Idol. Each country can give out a series of points - one country would get one point, another gets two points and so on up till 12 points. So, they can vote on 12 of the acts they think are best. Whoever has the most points at the end, wins. The winning country hosts the Song Contest the following year. This contest has been going on every year since 1956 and winners have included Abba in 1974, Celine Dion (singing for Switzerland) in 1988, and Katrina and the Waves in 1997.

Now, I haven't gotten to the fun part. Basically, the contest has maintained it's "bubble gum" pop image ever since its 1954 roots. The songs are invariably cheesy, sometimes catchy, and every once in a while, truly bizarre. Here are a few of my favorite acts to give you a sense of what it's like.

2007 - this was my first year watching. My favorite act came in second and it's Ukraine - basically the song is singing German numbers over and over and the singers are dressed like transvestite aliens. This is when I was officially hooked.

In 2006 the Finnish act thumbed their nose at the cheesy wholesome image and entered a monster metal band and ended up winning.

This year there was nothing that outlandish. Just good old fashioned CHEESE. Greece was my favorite for the best cheese factor. Ample exposed chest and tummy on a guy who clearly is his own best fan and check out the moves on the moving sidewalk.

Germany managed to get Dita von Teese to striptease for their song, which actually was my favorite song (for real). However, they came almost dead last. Nice silver pants!

And finally, believe it or not, this was the winner. Um, a 22 year old, violin playing, Harry Potter lookalike from Norway singing a song whose main lyric is (I kid you not) "I'm in love with a fairytale, even though it hurts" while Russian dancers keep up frenzied movements all around him.

You can't make this stuff up. It's awesome.

I say we start one in the Americas - I'm going to start a petition for the Amerovision Song Contest. Who's with me?